I am Brain Ded

That's right, folks. Brain ded. D-E-D.

I have taken three finals in three days and have two more left. One today. One tomorrow. I have taken more tests this semester than is humanly possible. I am reaching my limit. Tomorrow after the exam, my tired classmates and I will be sharing joy over mexican food and Coronas.

That is, if we can keep our heads off the table from lack of sleep. :(

Blue Agave

Yeah, I'm talkin' margaritas. In the spirit of finals week, I bought a bottle of Herradura Silver and am searching for the ultimate margarita recipe. When you have such a fine tequila, it is important that the ingredients do not take away from the taste. Suggestions are welcome.

Oh, and yes, I will post pictures of the new place as soon as we put the last touches on the bedroom.

No more procrastination. Time to hit the books again.

Not Again!!!

Stop it!

Not Fun. Not at All.

I learned last night that I really do not find earthquakes fun. At 8:04pm, San Jose was struck by a 5.6 magnitude earthquake, and yes, I definitely felt it. It lasted for a good 15 seconds with eight small aftershocks. A few of our chatchkies fell off the television and I banged my knee on something in a rush to get to the doorway.

After it was over, I realized that the only thing I grabbed was my fella. I told myself many times that if disaster ever hit, I would grab my purse and the memory stick containing all of my homework. I guess those things just aren't so important after all.

You know, as much as I bitch and moan about my old-ass, out-dated apartment, it has survived some major earthquakes. At least I know I will be safe for the next two weeks I am here if another one hits.

Month one...

So, I've made it through the first month of graduate school. This means that I have made it past the point I did the first time around. To be frank, sometimes I thought I wouldn't actually make it. That I would freak out the same way that I did when I tried out Tufts University six years ago. Thankfully, I am older and have faced much more difficult times than handling heavy loads of homework. I look at my schedule and know that although it is tough, I can definitely manage it.

School is school. As of yet, nothing is applied to the real world. We are in our safety net. Relying on each other to run tests and interview like we would a client. This is simple, for we are all well individuals. Last week, however, I had my first taste of real-life intervention when I attended a group meeting for people with mental illness. I will not reveal any of the stories or the diagnoses, but I will say that it is really humbling to be around a group of people who battle to act "normal" every day. I feel that since I quit my old job, my life has been fantastic and I have managed with little struggle. I got through the tough spots with a lot of patience and turned out stronger because of it. Some are not so lucky when going through bad times. Although I know what "bad times" feels like, I wonder if I can actually relate to this population enough to earn their trust.

After all, books can only teach you so much.

I am not saying that a connection is unlikely, I'm just curious what my education will teach me about how to relate to those who few understand.

Barbie's Easy-Bake Oven

Unbelievable.

We finally get a new stove, and this is what our land-lady calls "really nice":

Ain't no way we are fitting a damned turkey in there. What the hell was she thinking???

Can't sleep, so here is what's been going on...

I figured since I can't sleep and was wasting time on the internet, I should write a little something about what has been going on lately. A few major changes...you know, like starting graduate school.

The first few weeks have been busy but good. I have already written two papers and am preparing for my first presentation, which is scaring the shit out of me. Ever since I stopped acting several years ago, I realized that I quite enjoy not being the center of attention. Honestly, I never really liked being the center in the first place. Too much pressure. Blending is good. Blending is always good. That being said, I'm willing to put myself out there to get through school.

I might want to mention that I had to buy 14 books for class. When I thought that was all, I found out we needed an additional 4 readers and three inches thick worth of journal articles that I had to copy off on my own due to copywright laws. Pretty much this semester cost me $1,000 in books. Once graduate school is over, I'm sure I will have read the tree equivalent of Henry Cowell Redwood Forest.

It's not all bad news. I really enjoy my classes so far, the students are nice and the professors are very supportive. We were also able to sneak away for a quick trip to Seattle during Labor Day weekend. During this vacation, we decided not to make it ALL about sight-seeing. Since we have such hectic schedules, we tried something new: RESTING DURING VACATION. It's a fantastic concept that requires little to no planning. I highly recommend it.

Now for a little sleep?

Good News/Bad News

The good news: We have saved enough money to finally move out of our little shithole of an apartment.
The bad news: Rent has gone up over the past two months...everywhere. What was once a 1 BR/1 Bath for $1500 that we could afford, is now $1700+/month. Who can afford that???

I spent all morning long, in the heat, walking from apartment to apartment only to find out that we still cannot afford to move. We are lucky that we are stuck in a shithole only paying $795. Nothing goes for that any more. The cheapest apartment that is just as shitty as this is going for no less than $1,100/month. So, unless the market decides to drastically change over night, we'll be staying here. Can I handle this for two more years???

The good news: The fella got a brand new car. It's quite sexy, I might add.
The bad news: His old car shit the bed on the way to work last week. It was the day before he picked up his new car. How did the old thing know she was being replaced?
The good news: The damage was not too bad, so we decided to keep her.

The good news: I finally heard from my health insurance, and they decided to pay for all of my doctors visits.
The bad news: It had been almost a month, and the claims are still open.

The good news: I found 8/13 books I need for class used.
The bad news: The grand total of all of my text books is $700+.

The bad news: I just burnt a bag of popcorn in our microwave. It is now dead and the apartment, now finally clear of smoke, smells like a dank movie theatre.
The good news: I avoided burning down the apartment and dying of smoke inhalation.

Over all life is good. I'm trying to see the silver lining to every situation instead of seeing the shitty side of things. Now that the apartment is no longer filled with smoke, I can see the brighter side of continuing to live here. We are saving in the long run and will get out of this state and have an awesome place to live.

Back In Cali

So, the fella and I took off to CT for a few days to celebrate my FFIL's (Fututre Father-in-Law) 60th birthday. It was nice to see old friends, chat with my future family and breathe air that did not contain dense smog. I also bought the new Harry Potter book while there and finished it just today. The book was an enjoyable read, but I must say that I am sad that I will no longer be involved in Harry's life. :(

Before school, it is my duty to look at apartments, wedding sites and dresses. We are scheduled to look at an apartment in downtown SJ on Saturday. If it meets our needs, we may be out of this shithole by the end of next month.

I wish I could download the proof, but the Weinermobile was parked across the street from my apartment this morning...

Something's Missing...

A "dear" friend of mine from college called me a week or so ago to play catch-up. We were having a pleasant conversation, when all of the sudden she exclaims, "Mandy, why are you such a loser? You still haven't sent me a picture of your ring!!"

Ouch!

She's right. I've let it go too long. It's so weird having a piece of jewelry that you never take off. Once you forget it once, you feel like a part of you is missing...and I don't mean that in a sentimental way. I mean it more in a way that it almost feels like you-left-the-house-without-your-bra-on, missing.

Unemployment

So, I am entering the last three days of work at my current job. It has been a decent experience. I've become more comfortable around a variety of people. My last job had me staring/talking to a sewing maching 10+ hours/day, so being exposed to a new person every second was good for me. Even if they were crazy.

Gotta love the crazies.

The Search is On, Part 2

I've only just begun looking for a wedding dress online. You would think for a person who used to make wedding dresses, clothes, costumes, etc... that I would have some sort of idea what I should get.

Yeah, not so much.

There are a million and one places in the Bay Area that sell wedding gowns. I've decided to nix the ones that do not have a website, or whose store-front is a neon sign. For the time being, I've decided on one boutique that sells unique yet pricey dresses, and a store that sells run of the mill dresses. Most wedding gowns these days are of the strapless variety, and my fella already told me that was the only type of dress he didn't want to see me in. For me, strapless is too much trouble. I don't want to futz with it or worry about showing my ta tas to my new family. I don't do poofy/cinderella, bussles, rhinestones, beading or shiny satins. I definitely do not do cheap fabric. So, I know what I don't want.

Oh, shit. I'm becoming one of those brides.

Politicians talk Farmin'

There is nothing like a bunch of Ivy-League educated pricks talkin' agricultural reform.

Recent Events

I am feeling the need to tie up some loose ends to some of the previous posts, so here we go...

Pots and pans: I decided to bow down to tradition and purchase the stainless steel 3-ply copperclad Revereware set. Our first meal was perogies with caramelized onions. It was an amazing experience to have food cook evenly and not worry about burning the outside of the dumplings while the inside stayed frozen. No, I did not make homemade perogies. I'm not that good, people. I love my new set; however, I will definitely need to purchase a 12" skillet for larger meals.

Insurance: I'm still fighting them. They are still assholes. Nothing new here.

Ring: As soon as I remember to buy batteries for my camera, I will post a picture of my ring so everyone won't have to wait a year or so to see the ring in person.

I Should Have Known

Silly me. I thought I could leave the movie theatre yesterday after seeing "Sicko" in a good mood. Not so, my friends. Very much not so.

As I waited for the movie to start, I noticed that the wheelchair aisle filled up rather quickly. No surprise, really. Everyone there was clearly there for emotional reasons. Even me.

I have had individual health insurance from Blue Cross of California for over a year now. Typically, I go to the doctor once a year for a check-up and no more. Since I am allergic to most medication, I tend to take vitamins and herbal products. Luckily, I am blessed with good health and a strong immune system. A couple of months ago, I decided to use my insurance for the first time due to a pain in my neck. I saw my doc twice and a specialist twice and have felt well enough not to need an MRI or surgery since receiving free PT from my work.

On my birthday, I received a notice that a package had arrived for me in the mail. "Presents!" I thought, "Yeah!"

Enter BX of California to piss on my parade: It was a packet explaining that they were going to begin investigating me for insurance fraud. Apparently, anyone with an ache or pain who receives any medical treatment is run through the ringer and called a liar.

My feelings were hurt. And they ruined my birthday.

It has been a month and they have every piece of medical history from me for the past five years. They will be unimpressed, but will probably find a way to screw me somehow. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I will be able to keep my insurance, but will live in fear that if I ever get seriously ill/injured that they will find a way to get out of paying the bill.

There are far worse insurance horror stories out there. Some of my family members have endured years of debt due to the power insurance companies have over our health.

To the three of you who read my blog: Sorry about the darkness of this post, but I had a lot to get off my chest.

Ode to My Neutral-Colored Grandma Car

We met in the summer of 1999 for my first professional job in Dallas, TX. Many memories, good times and bad. You've seen both the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans. We have ventured to many jobs and fun outings. You have put up with my singing of Beastie Boys and Stevie Ray Vaughn in rush hour traffic.

At times, however, you have let me down. Like that time you left me stranded on the ramp of the busiest intersection of San Jose onto the most-used highway of Northern California in 125 degree heat. You heard me cuss out an asshole who yelled at me to move my car. It wasn't the first time you heard my tirades...driving in Boston. Remember those times? Yeah. They don't call them "Massholes" for nothing, right?

We've been through a lot, haven't we? Two trips across the country. One battery. Three alternators. And many, many mechanics who took advantage of us because I look twelve. Now, we've hit a major landmark in our relationship. You turned 100,000 miles yesterday as we left Portola Redwoods after almost getting lost and running out of gas in the boonies. Your gas gauge throws me off sometimes, but you have always gotten me to where I am headed...eventually.

I ask one thing of you as we reach the rocky years of being 100,000+: promise me you will be good to me until I get out of graduate school.

Thanks, Grandma. Roll on!

The Search is On....

I've been doing my research and have almost decided on pots and pans. Costco sells this 13-piece set for only $200.00. Can't beat that!

In other news, as a resident of California and a tax-payer, I am pleased to find that that Hilton girl is back in jail again. It's tiring, however, hearing what spin her publicist is trying to put on the incident. It seems to change by the hour.

On this Day...

Besides, you know, being born, this is a look on what has happened on May 31 throughout history.

I found this bit of history particularly interesting.

Say "Hello" to My Little Friend

I never thought that home brewed coffee could taste so damn good. Now all we need is Dunkin Donuts whole bean French Vanilla coffee.

Thanks, Mom and Dad, for the terrific early birthday present.

Next on the upgrade kitchen list: pots and pans. Any suggestions on the best brand to buy? I've already decided no Teflon. That shit always comes off eventually.

Puppies on Parade

This weekend, my fella and I attended the 60th Annual Los Altos pet parade where we saw people walk with their dogs, cats, turtles and snails. We even saw a few shetland ponies and goats. I'm used to the lame-o small town parades that last about 10 minutes...this one lasted a wopping 45! Most people my age ache to have a child...I'd rather have a dog.

Two dachshunds dressed as hot dogs.

Scooby Doo entertained us with break-dancing.

I wish we had gotten a pic of the big-ass Irish Wolfhoud who took the biggest dump I've ever seen. That definately was a highlight.

Random guy without pants playing the saxophone. I'm not sure what this had to do with pets.

Gotta love California.

Oh, the Agony!

Chronic pain has very much been a part of my life. It has pushed me into changing careers, which is absolutely a great thing, but it can undoubtedly change the way we move and limit activity. At its worst, pain can keep you from doing the things we most enjoy.

In David Bultler's "Explain Pain," he explores the idea that pain is "all in your head." Not to say that everyone in pain is considered a head case, but our brain does react when it believes that we are hurting ourselves. Once we injure ourselves, our brain will always remember what happened and continue to protect that part of the body throughout our lives. The brain then sends chemicals to the so-called "injured" site, and these chemicals cause inflammation. This response is initially triggered by an over-sensitive nervous system. Pain is good because it protects us from further injury and forces us to take care of ourselves (if we want to listen). But, in the case of non-injury pain that comes back again and again, the theory that Butler suggests is that the brain can be retrained so that it will not associate certain movements with a pain response.

This would explain aqua-therapy. Certain movements that we do in every day life may bother us, but we may carry out these same movements in water with ease. The same can be applied to brain injury therapy. I remember observing OTs ask their patients to perform tasks in front of a mirror. Not only are these patients getting visual cues, they are also retraining the brain that certain movements are possible.

I feel that I have applied this theory to my own situation while doing yoga without realizing. I'm excited about my healing process and my ability to apply these ideas for patients in the future.

Woo Hoo!

Just had to say that I got engaged this morning!! I've called almost everyone I know and I can't stop smiling...my cheeks hurt.

Allergies

I wish I had something a little more sunnier to post about, but the truth is, I had a shitty day yesterday. Today, I have joked about it, but only with the little energy that was left after the funk hit me almost 24 hours ago.

Yes, I have a history of all of this pain crap. I have the worst posture and used to sit at a sewing machine for 10-12 hours a day and now I am paying for it...literally. So, back to yesterday...to make a long story short, I'm allergic to muscle relaxers. Having your throat close up and your blood pressure drop around your coworkers who barely know you is a humbling experience.

Being me, I saw humor in it all and told my PT that the pain that I have been feeling is a result of having an abnormally large head for my body. In the words of Mike Meyers from "So, I Married and Axe Murderer": "It's like a watermelon on a toothpick!"

Without humor, how do we get through anything?

My New Addiction

If I had HBO, I would never get anything done and have no social life to speak of. With the invention of the DVD series sets and my subscription to Blockbuster online, I have kept up with some of the best television ever made.

I started off with "Sex & the City," which not only has great writing and acting, but also makes me miss the east coast and trips to NYC. I then moved on to "Six Feet Under" and can attest that I did not leave the house several weekends in a row until I finished all five series. Of all endings of every sitcom/television show, SFU ended better than I ever could imagine. I always thought that every character would die and haunt the Fischer and Diaz Funeral Home. Although that did not happen, I found that I wasn't too far off. I bawled like a little baby during the last episode and slowly felt the pangs of no longer having a good television show to come home to. Pathetic, I know, but regular television sucks ass in my opinion. It seems like television producers think that we Americans are so tired and overworked that by the end of the night will watch anything they put in front of us.

Not I.

Back to my point: my new addiction...My fella and I started watching the first season of "The Sopranos" and I wonder why it took me so long to watch it. Looks like I won't be seeing much sun until we finish all six seasons.

Mojito Madness

The beginning of Spring means many things. Walks to the park, flowers blossoming, allergy season...but most of all...Mojitos. I just made the best mojito I've ever tasted.

Any spring/summer drink recipes are greatly appreciated.

Not Dead Yet

Hi, people. Nothing bad has happened to me, I just haven't been motivated to write. I've been working under 40 hours per week at my job, but feel physically exhausted at the end of the day. Although I like working with the patients, the rest of the menial work I have to do sometimes gets a little out of hand. A lot of my old issues with CTS and my shoulder have crept back up on me. Thankfully, it's not because of what my new career involves. I won't be doing a zillion loads of laundry per day and filing folders in a much-too-full cabinet when I become an OT.

On the first day of lent, I was driving to work, and a woman called into a local radio station to report that she was giving up complaining for lent. I know I used to be a complainer, because I was so unhappy my first two years here. I tried an experiment that day at work. I talked only when people addressed me with something work-related, and then listened to what people talked about. I thought about how I would respond, and I realized how much me and others around me complain about petty shit. Some people have the right to complain because they have truly gotten the shit end of the stick, but I have taken a closer look at my daily tasks and realized I have NOTHING to complain about. I guess that vow of silence stuff really does do something for clarity.

Don't worry, I won't be moving into a yurt and start carrying around a dry-erase board to express my thoughts. I'm not that far gone.

Wow. Just...wow.

Never had I felt an audience respond in a movie theatre as they would in live theatre until I saw "Pan's Labyrinth" today. It makes me wonder how children deal with horrible situations, such as war, abuse or tragedy.

This one will stick with me for a while.

Moving and Shaking

I just had to announce that I felt my first earthquake last night. Although it was only a 4.2 and many miles away in the East Bay, I felt a little rolling action in my living room. It shocked me a little at first because I had just plopped my ass on the couch when I felt it, so part of me wondered if it was an aftershock of getting onto the couch.

I guess I feel a little more Californian now.

Yeah...no, not really.

Not so Picture Perfect

Yesterday afternoon, I attended the "Tour de California" bike race and greeted some of the best cyclists in the world as they crossed the 100 meter mark. It only lasted a second, and I was ready to capture the moment on my kick-ass digital camera I've had for the past four years...but it was busted. I dropped my Nikon on the street minutes earlier, collected the batteries from the pavement and turned it on. It worked fine. But when it came time to capture the moment, the camera appeared to be dead.

It all started to go sour at work today. I was doing my usual routine: phone calls, filing, ultrasound, electrical stim., laundry, cleaning, more laundry. It must have been the fourth or so load of dirty towels of the day. I was pushing those fuckers into the front loading machine with all of my might when I hyper-extended my left thumb. It didn't start hurting until I tried to grip a batch of hydrocolator pads with my left hand. The pain shot up my arm and I dropped the clump of towels on the floor.

You see a theme here. This is what lead to the death of my camera. Only I would have an injury this lame.

Grilled Cheese and Peanut Butter

This V-Day, I decided to make a fancy-schmancy grilled cheese for my fella. For some reason, he is very impressed with my talent in making this comfort food and I decided it would make for a nice little sentimental snack with wine and chocolate covered strawberries. I found this fantastic recipe off of a website dedicated to the "Greatest Grilled Cheese in America." I chose the Fondue Grilled Cheese for this special night, and I was not disappointed.

All this talk of sandwiches brings to mind the bad peanut butter on shelves all over Texas. Reading the headlines makes me dislike peanut butter even more than I do already...and it also makes me cringe at the word "tainted."

Ew.

Proof that Technology Continues to HATE me

Well, I'm here again at the main branch of San Jose King Library because my computer is stupid. I will again to remind you all to never buy a Toshiba computer...unless you like spending time at your public library.

I'll be mostly unreachable via email for the next week. :(

That is all.

Luckily...

So many things have been happening lately. Good things, actually. It has been one of those months that have been going so incredibly well, you just don't want it to end. The first two years in California were so difficult. I hated it, bitched incessantly about it and wanted to high tail it out of this state ASAP. Lately, I've actually enjoyed myself here...

Last week, I interviewed for a job as a Physical Therapy Aide. The interview was a blur because I was dizzy, running fever and suffering from some sort of infection. Incredibly, I got the job and I start training tomorrow. It is exactly what I wanted and I had only been looking for work for two days when I got the interview. Things like this do not happen to me. The position is only 16-20 hours per week and pays decent for a job I have no paid experience doing. I will still have time to look for a new apartment (due in May) and take yoga classes. This will also give me time to relax before beginning graduate school in the Fall. The fella and I are hoping to take some long weekend get-aways and see more of the west coast.

ADoD's pilot flew home yesterday from Afghanistan, and we are all breathing a sigh of relief that he is safe on American soil. Sister, you are one strong woman for coping with this during the first year of marriage. Proud of you, girl.

My family has a buyer for the farm!! Yay! Three years in the making...it's about freaking time.

Just trying to enjoy all of the good things that are happening. The perpetual pessimist that I am, it feels good to at once be the optimist.

JT Loses His "Sexy"

Attention all readers:

Justin Timberlake, 25, reportedly lost his "Sexy" last night at the HP Pavillion in San Jose, CA. The side effects were boredom, irritation and loss of connection to others.

Anyone who has seen this "Sexy" he has been looking for...please, bring it back.

C'MON!

I had to fit it in there somewhere.

In the year 2007...

I got this off of Grammarian's blog. Welcome back, girl! :)

In 2007…

1. Will you be looking for a new job?
I'll begin looking after I find out about jury duty next week. It will be non-theatre related and hopefully non-stressful.

2. Will you be looking for a new relationship?
No, but I hope to continue to better the one I am in now.

3. New house?
Hell yes! Hoping to move out of the cramped quarters we are in by April.

4. What will you do differently in 07?
I'm hoping to travel more and do things I enjoy. I spent the past two years of my life only doing things that were necessary and not enjoyable.

5. New Years resolution?
See #4. Additionally, I would like to continue to strengthen my yoga practice and be outside more.

6. What will you not be doing in 07?
Working in theatre and complaining about living in California...well, I'll try not to anyway.

7. Any trips planned?
Many ideas for vacation are in the works: Yosemite, Portland, Seattle, Connecticut or maybe even China. Stay tuned!

8. Wedding plans?
We'll see.

9. Major thing on your calendar?
Graduate school starting in August.

10. What can’t you wait for?
Graduate school.

11. What would you like to see happen differently?
I would like to see our politicians take responsibility to their actions and come up with a better plan for our current situation...or at least any plan. I would also like to see more advances in medicine and for the housing prices in California to be more reasonable.

12. What about yourself will you be changing?
I'm hoping to be more bold when I start graduate school and not be afraid of what other people may think of me.

13. What happened in 06 that you didn’t think would ever happen?
I finally look a vacation this year with my fella that wasn't family-related. I was also able to stop working in theatre, which I had been looking forward to for two years.

14. Will you be nicer to the people you care about?
I want to be more thoughtful about special events: birthdays, anniversaries and the like.

15. Will you dress differently this year than you did in 06?
I'm hoping I'll have better clothes, but I don't think my wardrobe will change that much.

16. Will you start or quit drinking?
I'm sure I will continue my one-beer-every-evening-to-take-off-the-edge routine.

17. Will you better your relationship with your family?
I'm hoping that we can see each other more often...without the confinements of a structured event.

18. Will you do charity work?
Yes.

19. Will you go to bars?
I'm not that into bars, but I will enjoy good drinks at my favorite restaurants.

20. Will you be nice to people you don’t know?
As long as they present themselves in an uncreepy way.

21. Do you expect 07 to be a good year for you?
I'm hoping for the very best.

22. How much did you change from this time last year till now?
I have changed so much for the better. I feel like a better version of my older self. If you know me, you know what that means. :)

23. Do you plan on having a child?
Oh, no...but, we are planning on having a little puppy to call our own.

24. Will you still be friends with the same people you are friends with now?
Indeed.

25. Major lifestyle changes?
Graduate school, and there is a possibility that I am melding into a vegetarian. Meat is beginning to taste funny to me now and makes me feel bad after eating it.

26. Will you be moving?
Hopefully to a place that is more that 500 square feet.

27. What will you make sure doesn’t happen in 07 that happened in 06?
I don't think I could survive another heatwave, so please, Mr. Weatherman, be kind.

28. What are your New Years Eve plans?
I just stayed at home with my fella and we had a glass of wine and toasted to Eastern, Central and Pacific time zone countdowns.

29. Will you have someone to kiss at midnight?
My fella.

30. One wish for 07?
Health and happiness for family and friends.